Despite all my cynicism, my judgemental mind, and keen ability to read someone in two seconds flat I honestly try to see the good in everyone. Try as I might people can be so very disappointing. I want to see their positive attributes, help nurture their talents, and be supportive of whatever crap they're into that I really could care less about. I try. I keep an open mind, look at the situation from all perspectives, and then there it is bigger than life itself....this person is just a disappointing idiot.
My personal goal is to surround myself with good, nurturing, talented, funny, inspiring, provocative people and in that search I have come across some lame, poor communicating, flaky, inconsistent, disrespectful, shams of human beings. They're out there and when you meet one you'll know. They're the one that never texts or calls back despite saying they will. They're the one that says one thing and does the complete opposite. They're the one that says they want to get to know you better then they drop off the face of the earth. Know that person? Yeah, so do I....unfortunately.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Initiative is Taken Not Given
Tired of sitting around waiting for wonderful things to manifest themselves. Time to take action, take charge and MAKE things happen. Took a small step towards a life long goal...now I wait to see what the next step is...if there is one at all. Sometimes I think there are too many options, too many paths to take and figuring out which way to go is overwhelming so I sit and let all the opportunities pass me by. No more!! Not going to ask permission, not going to get the boss to approve, not going to question myself. I'm just going to do it...whatever it is.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Songs for the end of summer:
As summer begins to wind down I find myself reminiscing in the sun of all the fun. Here are a few tunes that put my soul in the smack middle of the heat.
What songs have you been listening to this summer?
What songs have you been listening to this summer?
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
To all the love's I've yet to meet:
"A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too-big world." — Jack Kerouac (On the Road)
I'm in love with all of them. The way they smell, the way they talk, the way they feel. They've all been my greatest love affair and they haunt me forever. One night, one year, a passing glance, doesn't matter. It's about living in the moment of joy and love with complete surrender. Knowing perfectly well that forever is not always an option or even a thought.
"Life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone." — Jack Kerouac (Kerouac: Selected Letters: Volume 1 1940-1956)
I long to know their secrets and bury my face in their skin. Every time, when all said and done, the scent lingers. The memory remains. I am eternally gilded by their caress though sometimes the tarnish does begin to show. A little polish a little self love and more determination to love again to not bruise or break in the aftermath.
It's all a part of the adventure, giving in to divine intuition, inertia, energies colliding. Sometimes the force is too powerful to pull away from while other times it's just a light tug at boredom. There is no room for regret in great love affairs as they are what they are and end in graves. But to keep dreaming of the next embrace is all I need to remember the capacity to love is ever growing.
I'm in love with all of them. The way they smell, the way they talk, the way they feel. They've all been my greatest love affair and they haunt me forever. One night, one year, a passing glance, doesn't matter. It's about living in the moment of joy and love with complete surrender. Knowing perfectly well that forever is not always an option or even a thought.
"Life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone." — Jack Kerouac (Kerouac: Selected Letters: Volume 1 1940-1956)
I long to know their secrets and bury my face in their skin. Every time, when all said and done, the scent lingers. The memory remains. I am eternally gilded by their caress though sometimes the tarnish does begin to show. A little polish a little self love and more determination to love again to not bruise or break in the aftermath.
It's all a part of the adventure, giving in to divine intuition, inertia, energies colliding. Sometimes the force is too powerful to pull away from while other times it's just a light tug at boredom. There is no room for regret in great love affairs as they are what they are and end in graves. But to keep dreaming of the next embrace is all I need to remember the capacity to love is ever growing.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Life in moderation...
I'm not very good at keeping up with this whole blog thing. There aren't any rules or standards I'm holding myself to though...just thought it would be an interesting way to document life's random oddities and every day miracles. I'm noticing a reoccuring theme recently in myself and my general lack of commitment to most things. Yes, I show up to work, do a good job, pay my bills on time for the most part, feed the dog, jog more than occassionally, but I don't want to commit myself to people, projects, or any other time and energy consuming task. I just want to do the bare minimum and be ok. Not that I'm saying I want to be lazy and not care about anything...not at all! I've made a conscious choice to be simpler. It's not easy. We're supposed to be involved and connected in every way possible to everyone we could possibly know. That's fine sometimes, when you're open to it and available for those demands. Right now I'm not available. I'm offline. Mentally that is.
The last year and a half has been tough. Fights, yelling, miscarriage, separation, divorce, change after change blow after blow. My boat has been knocked way off course and now that I'm floating out in the middle of the ocean with every possibility in the world surrounding me...where do I go? Which way is best? I could just choose quickly and dart off in that direction without any abandon, but I've done that before and it was sorely disappointing. I was younger and braver then, but the consequences still burn. So I sit. I ponder. I question everything. I step back and wait. Floating. I choose to not make a choice. Not right now.
For the time being I'm taking life in moderation. Small doses of reality are enough thank you. When it all seems too tough or incomprehensible I call my girlfriends, go out for drinks, buy shoes and most importantly don't forget to breathe.
The last year and a half has been tough. Fights, yelling, miscarriage, separation, divorce, change after change blow after blow. My boat has been knocked way off course and now that I'm floating out in the middle of the ocean with every possibility in the world surrounding me...where do I go? Which way is best? I could just choose quickly and dart off in that direction without any abandon, but I've done that before and it was sorely disappointing. I was younger and braver then, but the consequences still burn. So I sit. I ponder. I question everything. I step back and wait. Floating. I choose to not make a choice. Not right now.
For the time being I'm taking life in moderation. Small doses of reality are enough thank you. When it all seems too tough or incomprehensible I call my girlfriends, go out for drinks, buy shoes and most importantly don't forget to breathe.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Soundtrack of My Life
Why is it when I feel down I listen to depressing music? It's strange, but it always works. Have a good cry get over it. This is what I've been listening to lately:
- Skinny Love - Bon Iver
- Let It Be Me - Ray LaMontagne
- 9 Crimes - Damien Rice
- Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard
Then after having a good cry feeling energized I need something to get me pumped. This always does the trick:
- Black and Gold - Sam Sparro
- Diva - Beyonce
- Romeo - Basement Jax
- Time is Now - Moloko
What Is Your Inspiration Today?
I am on a neverending quest to find new inspiration, to realize new ways of being, understanding, and living.
Recently I've noticed that it is so easy to become wrapped up in feeling emotions without ever really noticing them. What is the difference in just feeling and being aware of what those feelings are?
The difference is peace. When you are swimming in your emotions and not recognizing them for what they are it is impossible to see anything other than what is most immediately surrounding you. The moment you feel something call it what it is...anger, frustration, sadness, joy, inspiration...notice how you feel, notice what things, people, situations make you feel this way.
Today I am paying attention to everything little thing that comes to the surface (or lurks just beneath) while looking deeper to see what else could be hiding in the dark corners. I'm looking for the soul in everything. Have you ever noticed how much soul there is in nature?
A sunset, a sunrise, the star lit night are all so immensely full of soul it is awe inspiring. That is my inspiration today.
Recently I've noticed that it is so easy to become wrapped up in feeling emotions without ever really noticing them. What is the difference in just feeling and being aware of what those feelings are?
The difference is peace. When you are swimming in your emotions and not recognizing them for what they are it is impossible to see anything other than what is most immediately surrounding you. The moment you feel something call it what it is...anger, frustration, sadness, joy, inspiration...notice how you feel, notice what things, people, situations make you feel this way.
Today I am paying attention to everything little thing that comes to the surface (or lurks just beneath) while looking deeper to see what else could be hiding in the dark corners. I'm looking for the soul in everything. Have you ever noticed how much soul there is in nature?
A sunset, a sunrise, the star lit night are all so immensely full of soul it is awe inspiring. That is my inspiration today.
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